This sounds like a life where the exchanged life with Jesus has not been understood. I do not say that lightly. But on the experience of many years of life and ministry. Jesus said 'my yoke is easy. ' The normal Christian life as a missionary or anywhere is a supernatural life lived in the strength and wisdom of Jesus. " You are dead and your life is hid with Christ in God. ' We are not called to struggle through things - whatever they may be - in the strength and wisdom of our humanity. The exchanged life is not a nice thought - it is basic to Christian living and success. Simple prayers asking God for wisdom in all situations and strength in others ( then being alert for the answers) will eventually culminate in a supernatural exchanged life. He does not expect us to succeed as our (so called) selves. blessings